Notes on a Scandal

He: What did you think of Notes?
She: Loved it.
She: Have you seen it?
He: Yep.
She: What did you think?
She: I found it caustic but subtle.
She: (if that's possible?)
He: Halfway through I realised what bothered me about it...
She: Go on …
He: The Philip Glass music was way too full on.
She: Oh!
She: Didn't notice.
He: There was a woman sitting on her own watching near where we were sitting.
She: (Like me!)
He: And for about 10 minutes in the middle she started laughing hysterically.
She: (Does that make me a batty old lesbian?)
She: (I did worry.)
She: Oh. Actually, there were two girls to the left of me who found it quite hysterical too.
She: eg,
She: "At last a merry flag on my artic calendar" …
She: induced about five minutes of snorts.
She: So you didn't like the movie at all?
He: I think this woman might have had issues.
He: But anyway I think it was that that made me noticed the music.
She: Which bit was it?
She: Do you remember?
He: Not really. I think it was when Judi Dench was getting particularly intense.
She: I HATED the ending.
She: So contrived and cringey.
He: So I was trying to look at it without the music ...
He: kinda squinting my ears.
He: And I reckon it could play as a comedy ... in a Woody Allen vein.
He: But I still thought it was pretty good.
She: I did.
She: My Mum read the book, but I never have.
He: Not great mind you.
She: I liked the boy.
She: (not like that)
She: But in the sense there was no attempt to make this anything deep and meaningful.
She: Like those Yankee teachers who fall in "love" with their pupils and then after jail marry them.
She: Or whatever.
He: Can't get enough of Bill Nighy.
She: No, he is brilliant.
He: Yeah, the boy was very good too.
She: "I just wanted him!"
She: "Why?"
She: "I don't know!"
She: I was engaged throughout.
He: Bill was particularly Nighiesque, wasn't he?
She: Yes!
He: Do you think they write "splutter" in his scripts, or is that just him?
He: So what would you give in then?
She: I'd give it a shiny 7/10
She: And you?
He: Now *you've* forgotten the ratings system!
She: Oops.
She: 3/5
She: Is that right?
He: I can't remember if it's out of 5 or 4.
She: 5
She: How can it be 4?
He: Leonard Maltin uses 4.
She: Oh, fine.
He: OK, if it's 5, I'm with you on 3!
He: I'm going to look like a complete idiot on SSHS.
She: Well this isn't a classic.
He: I saw it about two weeks ago -- before the Oscars.
He: I would have to say it didn't have much of a "stays with you" factor.
She: No?
She: It’s staying with me today.
He: Nup, it's gone.
She: But like I say …
She: the last park bench scene made me cringe.
He: Oh, with the new bird.
She: Yes.
He: Yes, that was a bit much!
She: Awful.
She: A nice neat little "oh so here she goes again" ending.
He: Did the camera track up into the sky, or is that my imagination?
She: Ummmm … it might have done.
He: Pretty silly.

Notes on a Scandal
She: *** He: ***

Food: Pistachio Addiction

She: Am back on the pistachios again ...
He: Stop!
She: Geez, I know.
She: I thought I'd kicked it this time round.
He: Relapses are the worst.
She: Now I've got this bag of, like, 5000 shells.
He: It's a disease, baby ... nothing to be ashamed of.
She: And I just *know* there's one more whole one left somewhere in there.
He: You've taken the first step ... admitting you have a problem.
She: I've been here before.
She: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
She: Pistachios.
He: Bought a bad bag on Monday.
She: Oh no.
He: Got a bad bag. Nearly one-third of ’em were closed.
He: What's with that?
She: I get mine from the grocer’s at the moment.
She: They are *all* full, open and delicious.
She: Real meaty ones.
She: Loose.
He: Sure, you can bite the closed ones, but it never works right.
She: Then it’s covered in spit.
She: Which ruins the moment.
He: You buy salted?
She: I swing both ways.
She: But prefer salted.
He: Yeah, me too.
He: In school, I went in big for sunflower seeds for a while.
He: Those are pretty good too.
She: Hey.
He: Yes?
She: When you get the closed pistachio problem.
She: Do you find it *really* hard to give up and throw it away?
He: Yep.
She: I'd rather lose a limb than throw it …
She: or a tooth.
He: I put them all aside with the intention of coming back to them with a full-on attack.
She: Yes!
She: A hammer.
He: Opened a few last night (and almost wrecked my teeth).
He: Then I got really mad and chucked the rest!!!!
She: Well …
She: I have to tell you something shocking.
He: OK, I’m sitting down.
She: I was chatting to a friend about nuts and said pistachios were my favourite …
She: and do you know what he said?
She: “Yeah but the shell things puts me off … I have to unshell a load first and then eat them.”
She: He is *so* missing the point!
She: It's a ritual.
She: Pop one, eat it, pop one, eat it, pop one, eat it.
She: Not pop pop pop pop eat eat eat eat.
He: Yeah ... I agree.
He: You could always buy shelled sunflower seeds, but that just wouldn't be the same as opening them.
She: Precisely.
He: BUT!
She: It's part of the experience.
She: BUT?
He: Pistachios have *just* the right amount of effort.
She: Yep.
He: Any more, and I'm afraid I'd have to agree with your friend.
She: A second of action and you're there
She: I reckon it harks back to the days when we used to forage for food.
She: There is a bit of enjoyment in it.
She: In finding an empty one, or a closed one.
She: Like nature vs man.
He: The food at the other end of the scale is like those little quails or whatever they are.
He: Lots of tiny bones.
She: urgh.
He: Sorry, I can't be bothered.
She: No way.
She: Poor little buggers.
He: Fish with bones. No, thank you.
She: Death trap.
He: But pistachios give you just enough of a challenge.
She: Perfect.
She: They are God's gift to us foragers.
He: How about all those little flaky bits between the seed and the shell that get everywhere?
She: Haha.
She: Just as I read that I was sweeping them off my keyboard!
She: Thing is …
She: I'd forgive pistachios anything.
She: Like anything.
He: I know what you mean.
He: I've just got to be careful not to OD on them. Cause then I don't buy them for a long time.
She: Really?
She: I guess that will happen to me.
He: I used to get them in kind of a big tray thing that had just too many in it.
He: But I had to finish it.
She: Ah yes.
He: Now I've found that smaller bags are better.
She: And of course once you start …
She: I have to be careful how many scoops I go for.
She: It’s fatal if one is hungry.
He: You scoop them yourself?!?
He: A professional!
She: Of course!

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story

She: I loved the movie.
He: You didn't have sex with her... "... Noooo".
She: "Nooooooo...I did"
He: "But nothing weird".
He: And Coogan's eyes as he thought about it.
She: :))
He: Very low key, don't you think?
She: Yeh.
He: But lots of scenes keep coming back.
She: Close to knuckle re: Coogan and his real life.
She: I had loads of giggling fits.
She: "... with his house in the Hollywood Hills ..."
She: I love Rob Brydon.
He: At the beginning with Rob Broyden sitting in makeup with his teeth showing.
He: Lots of good cameos, weren't there?
She: Yes!
She: I need to see it again immediately.
She: Loved the bit with the forceps and the melon.
He: That was great ...
She: Gave me nightmares last night though.
He: The forceps?
She: Dreamt strange men were going round hitting my friends' skulls in with hammers.
He: The first baby's head scene with the forceps, the girl I was with had to turn away.
He: Then there was the scene where they were carrying around the dummy baby ... did you see that?
She: Yeah!
He: And when they showed the forceps scene after that, she turned away again!
He: I said "You just saw the dummy!"
She: Loved the bit with Coogan in the womb ...
She: when Brydon says "That's the funniest he's been for years!"
He: In the barn: "He wants realism".
He: Coogan: "I'm a grown man talking in a womb".
She: He gets stuck trying to get out ...
She: "The clothes are hindering you, it'll be better in the real shoot".
He: "What?"
She: Love the constant references to Alan Partridge.
She: "That was years ago".
She: "Yeah but everyone loved it".
She: "I know they did".
He: And Broyden's impressions of "Alan".
He: Ooooooh. [twiddling fingers]
She: "You're so dirrrty!"
He: You know, we can just go on doing scenes because there wasn't really a story ... or was there?
She: The making of the movie ...
She: and piss taking and some kind of self congratulation of Coogan?
She: Wonder what his REAL wife thinks.
He: Yeah ... that's why I was thinking again about the Courtney Love incident.
He: But thinking about it later, I thought there was a lot of good stuff on acting, actors, and movie-making (especially the Hollywood type).
She: Yes!
She: Loved the rushes ...
She: and the battle scene fiasco ...
She: and the lack of "score" as they showed it.
He: How about the hot chestnut scene!
She: Oh god, yeah.
She: "You touched my arsehole!"
She: "At least let's do dinner first!"
He: Yes!
She: The person I watched it with has seen glimpses of Alan ...
She: and now wants to see it all!
She: So it’s good PR for Coogan.
He: So tell me then, what's your one-sentence description of Tristram Shandy?
She: Ooh a test.
She: Shit, that's hard.
He: One sentence -- not a marketing one. But one that's true and would still make people interested.
She: A hilarious irreverant post modern disconnected piss-take of both filmmaking and the actor Steve Coogan's career and ego featuring a plethora of the best of British comedy which will leave you scratching your head and grinning.
She: Hey ...
She: what did you think of the female black character?
He: Oh!
She: The one who tries to bed Coogan.
He: Hilarious.
He: But very cringey.
She: Yeah.
He: Here's my sentence: "A classic comedic look at actors, acting, and the ridiculous world of movie- (and shoe-) making."
She: OK, I didn't put any effort into mine.
She: Mine was just as if I was talking to YOU.
He: Or "Fetus, don't fail me now".
He: Oh, I was going to put "classic" in quotes in the first one.
He: you know, classic ... Hm Hm?
She: Yeah, I geddit.
He: So, how many stars?
She: I almost typed 4.5 then.
She: But worried I am basing that on my deep love for Steve Coogan.
She: I think I'll go 4.
He: Are we four max or five?
She: 5.
She: How many times do I have to tell you?
He: Oops.
He: I would have said 3 1/2 immediately after, but I got lots of afterthought enjoyment out of it, so I'm going to say 4 too.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
She: **** He: ****

Wedding Crashers

She: Not feeling well today.
He: Why, what happened?
She: Woke up with all the lights on.
He: Not again!
He: Where were you?
She: A friend's wedding reception.
He: Really? Was Vince Vaughn there?
She: I have one or two things to say about Wedding Crashers.
He: I didn't like it.
He: And I really like Vince Vaughn.
She: I *love* VV and OW!
She: Give me three reasons why you didn't like it.
He: Vince Vaughn--tried too hard to be smartarse.
He: Owen Wilson--whined the whole movie.
She: I loved the scene where OW gets drunk and falls over the drum kit etc.
He: Vince is usually a natural ... has control of a million things all going on at the same time.
He: He was fantastic in a small film called The Prime Gig, did you see that?
She: I didn't, I'm afraid
She: Now what's your third reason?
She: VV, OW, and?
She: Isla?
She: She used a nipple double, if that troubles you?
He: Third reason. I felt my face when I the ending credits were coming on, and it hadn't laughed.
He: It was the opposite of that feeling when you've been laughing too much after smoking dope.
She: Aching cheeks?
He: Yeah, from not smiling.
She: I had an issue with the boyfriend.
She: Why do they always make them such black-and-white dickheads?
He: Yeah ... in *everything* he did.
She: For humour value I guess but it would have been just as funny if he'd been a nice guy -- the racking stomach cramps and vomiting would have been just as amusing.
He: Damn straight.
She: It didn't tally with her character.
She: It was stupid, let's face it.
He: And not even the Vaughn/Wilson delivery could save it.
She: What about gay brother?
He: That was pretty creepy!
He: Bet the gay community *loved* that portrayal!
She: Predatory artistic f*ck up.
She: How about the funeral pickererupperer?
He: Oh yeah! Will Ferrell.
She: I did laugh when he shouted "meat loaf" to his mother.
He: You know how you do that kind of expectant chuckle when you think someone's about to be really funny?
He: I think I might have done that, but he never set it off.
She: And then it drops off and you turn it into a cough?
He: Yes!
She: It's long too.
He: And when Christopher Walken doesn't even turn in a memorable performance ...
He: something's wrong.
He: Who was the director?
She: David Dobkin.
He: Hmmm, according to IMDB, he did Shanghai Knights.
She: I just realised I've actually seen Wedding Crashers twice -- once at cinema and once on DVD.
She: On second viewing I found myself intensely irritated.
She: Which was embarrassing as I was the one amongst my friends who chose the DVD.
He: Ouch.
He: I have to say one of the best scenes was a deleted one.
He: The one where they're doing a speech together at a Chinese wedding, and they segue into a karaoke version of 99 Red Balloons.
She: Oh oh!
She: Yes, I think I watched that.
He: It was so bad, it was hilarious.
He: But if the movie had bet all its chips on that scene it wouldn't have worked.
She: Surprised they didn't hold the funeral scenes and make a sequel -- Funeral Crashers.
She: Oh how we would have laughed.
He: Some people can be in bad movies and still be funny.
He: Owen Wilson.
He: Ben Stiller.
She: Are you saying Meet the Fockers is bad?
He: No! I was thinking of Dodgeball actually.
She: I didn't see that.
She: Didn't that get good reviews?
He: Probably because Ben Stiller is one of those people.
She: You know what I hated?
She: Anchorman.
He: But maybe VV is not one of those people?
He: So how many stars for Wedding Crashers?
She: Two and a half.
He: I'm with you.

Wedding Crashers
She: **1/2 He: **1/2

Da Vinci Code

She: Hello!
He: Hi!
She: What did you think of the film?
He: I thought it was ... fine.
He: Actually good in some parts.
She: Yes, it wasn't as bad as I thought ...
She: However, I thought Sophie was rather flat.
She: But then the character in the book is very flat also.
He: Yes!!! I thought she was very wooden.
He: I mean it *was* the book, wasn't it.
She: And what with the mobile phone search on the bus?
She: That was a big change from the book.
He: I read it so long ago I forgot ...
She: And wasn't there a big change to the end?
She: In the book her brother turns up ...
She: ... isn't really dead
He: Really? Can't remember.
She: And I thought she wasn't actually a descendent of JC.
She: But then I might be wrong.
He: I was thinking it seemed a bit different too.
She: Yeah, her bro and her have a reunion at that church.
She: Tom Hanks looked shifty throughout.
She: Like he'd had an accident in his pants.
He: But never the least bit worried that hundreds of people were out to kill/arrest a humble scholarly author.
He: Happens every vacation!
He: I'd forgotten some of the gaping holes that were in the book -- they looked even bigger on screen!
She: eg?
He: A scholar and religious historian finds himself hanging out with the direct descendant of Jesus Christ ...
He: Gets her home and then says "Catch you later ... call me sometime?"
She: But in the book he invites her to Florence for a week.
She: He says "I've got a nice big room, nudge nudge wink wink".
He: Really! I forgot that! That makes more sense!
She: Yeah and she agrees to meet him.
She: In his big room
He: I thought Ian McKellen was very good.
She: He was indeed.
She: Superb.
She: The highlight.
She: Thought the albino needed red eyes though.
He: True.
He: You know what else I liked?
He: The use of computer graphics.
She: Ah, yes.
She: Did add something didn't it?
She: It has got such bad reviews though.
He: Yeah. Can't imagine what everyone was expecting ...
He: I mean that was the book, wasn't it...
She: It really was.
She: It was very in the "mood" of the book.
She: and it "looked" like I imagined it would.
He: The hard part is there is an awful lot of "explaining" things in the book.
He: Which is harder to do on film.
She: Yes.
She: I was conscious of myself waiting for explanations.
She: Because the girl I went with hadn't seen it.
She: So I was sort of seeing it through her eyes too.
She: She was dumbfounded afterwards, didn't know what to think of it.
She: It's pretty full on if you've not read it I guess.
He: Yeah. One thing I don't remember from the book is when Teabing changed positions of Jesus and "Mary" on the computer. Remember that, from the Last Supper?
She: Yes!
She: I don't think that happened in the book ...
He: That was pretty amazing.
She: And I only read it last week.
She: I am just wondering how I'd view it if I'd not read it.
She: It was quite pretty to look at, great shots of Paris, London etc.
She: But it did depress me a bit.
He: Depressed?
She: Gloomy.
She: Not much humour.
She: The only kindness really between Sophie and Robert.
She: I was in a bad mood anyway.
He: And there wasn't much of that nudge nudge at all, was there.
She: Not really.
She: And no bare breasts.
She: What's a film without bare breasts?
She: Oh, apart from those in the paintings of course.
She: Hmmm.
She: I think overall it was faithful to the book though.
He: Definitely.
He: So what would you give it out of five stars?
She: I'd say, in all honesty, 2.5 or 3.
She: I'm still deciding.
She: For example:
She: I don't feel like emailing or calling friends today and saying "you MUST see it".
She: and I don't want to see it again
He: I'm with you ... happy to have seen it (on opening night) ... don't think I'll need to buy the DVD.
She: I'll go 2.5.
He: I'm stuck between 2.5 and 3 too ...
He: Problem is I don't want to penalise the film for problems with the story.
She: True true.
She: But it was too long.
She: Then I guess it had to be.
He: I think, Margaret, I'm going to have to go 3 stars.
She: Ok.
She: David, I'm going to stick with 2.5.
She: (I saw Margaret at the "Candy" premiere I went to.)
She: (She's tiny.)
He: Is she as Hobbitish in real life? (That was mean ... must delete this question.)
She: She's a munchkin.
She: But very cute.
He: I think if I met David, I'd have the urge to give him a few short pushes.
He: "Team America, only one star? What's your problem, buddy? Huh? Huh?"
She: How can we trust a man who gives TA one star?

Da Vinci Code
She: **1/2 He: ***

Brokeback Mountain

She: Hmm
She: :-?
He: What's up, Sexy?
She: Brokeback...not sure.
She: I wanted *more*.
He: That was my comment.
She: Really?
He: I thought it was good...but
She: I just felt that by making it all macho and repressed, *we* the audience missed out.
He: I don't really understand what the connection was.
She: Exactly.
She: Missed out on what it was that tied them together...
He: Was it just a root in the mountains?
He: Is that what it's all about?
She: It seemed so...
She: I wanted more talk, more eye contact, more chemistry...
She: I wanted *love*!
She: Not just a shag.
He: Where were the scenes that would have made a tear-jerking montage at the end?
She: Where were they?
He: Not there.
She: Where *was* that montage?
He: We need a monTAGE!
She: :))
She: Even Rocky had a montage!
He: YES!!! :))
He: There was that one scene...
He: by the river where they had a little domestic about taxes or something.
He: That was it!
She: Hmmm
She: I liked it when he lassoed him.
She: But even that turned into a fight.
She: I wanted more naked swimming.
She: Call me old fashioned.
He: Yeah, and I cried at the shirt in the closet scene.
He: But I also wondered why.
She: What's that cowboy in Toy Story called?
She: Jack reminded me of him.
She: Put me off a bit.
She: Woody!
She: I cried a little at the shirt scene.
She: But I was only really crying cos my gay friend was crying next to me.
She: His tears moved me more than the bloody movie.
He: Still, good acting.
She: Yes, good acting
He: Don't think the Mumbler deserved a nomination though.
He: Jake was better.
She: Nah.
She: Fatal flaw in a main character--not very chatty.
She: !!
She: Where *was* the connection?
She: Where?
He: It was just not there.
She: Was in *just* in their trousers?
He: It's just a shag in the mountains.
She: Have any of the reviews said similar?
He: I haven't seen any!
She: Nor me.
He: You're the first one who has said it!
She: Wow--you too!
He: I was going to say that yesterday before you saw the movie, but I wanted to see what you'd say first!
She: Yes, glad you did.
She: It's good to make up one's own mind.
He: So I'm kinda glad it didn't win best picture.
She: Yeah, didn't deserve that.
He: If it had, it would have been some misguided gesture to show how "progressive" the Academy was.
He: Not about the movie.
She: Absolutely.
She: I feel slightly cheated.
He: Yeah, but see you waited too long to see it.
She: Oh, it's *my* fault, is it?
He: With all the hype that built up around the Oscars, it was slowly getting built up in your mind.
She: True, true.
He: I hate that.
She: But more than that, it was people around telling me I would gush rivers of tears...
She: that it was deeply moving...
He: Yeah.
She: Well, I almost didn't cry one bit.
She: I think I only did at the end cos I wanted to.
She: I *chose* to.
She: That it's about love and choices, etc.
She: Well it is I guess but...
He: Emperor's New Clothes, I'm afraid.
She: Ha, yes.
She: It's just that "but" element.
He: And we're the only ones with the guts to speak out.
She: We are.
She: I think we should form some sort of united front.
He: "You're all naked, you fools!"
She: We're on the side of the gays! We want them to be better represented.
She: *Not* just as an alternative shag for men with wives.
He: That's right...
She: Not just as a fierce animalistic urge.
She: But as true love!
He: Exactly!
She: We really only saw it as the outsiders saw it...
She: as the wives saw it.
She: We didn't get much more of a glimspse than they did.
She: Tons of shots of them riding side by side on horseback.
She: OK we get it, they're comfortable with each other
She: So?
He: We *wanted* it to be real.
He: Then it would make sense.
She: We did.
She: Rivers flowing--is that imagery? Are we supposed to make do with *that*?
He: It's just pushing that love is just some romanticised Hallmark card!
He: Could have been a hell of a lot more powerful...
She: It was a waste.

Brokeback Mountain
She: **1/2 He: ***